diff --git a/app/Console/Commands/Deprecated/StatusDedupe.php b/app/Console/Commands/Deprecated/StatusDedupe.php
index 8a69221a6..778057397 100644
--- a/app/Console/Commands/Deprecated/StatusDedupe.php
+++ b/app/Console/Commands/Deprecated/StatusDedupe.php
@@ -46,13 +46,17 @@ class StatusDedupe extends Command
 
             return;
         }
+        // Deterministically keep the earliest-fetched status per uri via
+        // MIN(id). Selecting a non-aggregated id under GROUP BY is
+        // nondeterministic and cannot be influenced by ORDER BY, so the
+        // previous query could keep an arbitrary duplicate.
         DB::table('statuses')
-            ->selectRaw('id, uri, count(uri) as occurences')
+            ->selectRaw('MIN(id) as id, uri, count(uri) as occurences')
             ->whereNull('deleted_at')
             ->whereNotNull('uri')
             ->groupBy('uri')
-            ->orderBy('created_at')
             ->having('occurences', '>', 1)
+            ->orderBy('uri')
             ->chunk(50, function ($statuses) {
                 foreach ($statuses as $status) {
                     $this->info("Found duplicate: $status->uri");
diff --git a/tests/Feature/Console/StatusDedupeTest.php b/tests/Feature/Console/StatusDedupeTest.php
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..c0c7025be
--- /dev/null
+++ b/tests/Feature/Console/StatusDedupeTest.php
@@ -0,0 +1,70 @@
+<?php
+
+use App\Jobs\StatusPipeline\StatusDelete;
+use App\Models\Status;
+use App\Models\User;
+use Illuminate\Foundation\Testing\LazilyRefreshDatabase;
+use Illuminate\Support\Facades\Bus;
+use Illuminate\Support\Facades\DB;
+use Illuminate\Support\Facades\Schema;
+
+uses(LazilyRefreshDatabase::class);
+
+beforeEach(function () {
+    // The dedupe command runs BEFORE the unique(uri) constraint is added, so
+    // drop it here to allow seeding the duplicate rows it is meant to clean up.
+    Schema::table('statuses', function ($table) {
+        $table->dropUnique('statuses_uri_unique');
+    });
+});
+
+/*
+|--------------------------------------------------------------------------
+| status:dedup deterministic keep
+|--------------------------------------------------------------------------
+|
+| The dedupe command must deterministically keep the earliest (MIN id) status
+| per uri and delete the rest. A non-aggregated id under GROUP BY is
+| nondeterministic and could keep an arbitrary duplicate.
+|
+*/
+
+it('keeps the lowest-id status per uri and deletes the duplicates', function () {
+    Bus::fake();
+
+    $author = User::factory()->create();
+    $author->refresh();
+
+    $uri = 'https://remote.example/users/bob/statuses/42';
+
+    // Snowflake ids are time-ordered, so the first created has the min id.
+    $first = Status::factory()->create(['profile_id' => $author->profile_id, 'type' => 'photo', 'uri' => $uri]);
+    $second = Status::factory()->create(['profile_id' => $author->profile_id, 'type' => 'photo', 'uri' => $uri]);
+    $third = Status::factory()->create(['profile_id' => $author->profile_id, 'type' => 'photo', 'uri' => $uri]);
+
+    $ids = collect([$first->id, $second->id, $third->id]);
+    $keepId = $ids->min();
+    $deleteIds = $ids->reject(fn ($id) => $id === $keepId)->values();
+
+    $this->artisan('status:dedup')->assertExitCode(0);
+
+    $statusIdOf = function ($job) {
+        $ref = new ReflectionProperty($job, 'status');
+        $ref->setAccessible(true);
+
+        return $ref->getValue($job)->id;
+    };
+
+    // The two higher-id duplicates are dispatched for deletion.
+    Bus::assertDispatched(StatusDelete::class, function ($job) use ($deleteIds, $statusIdOf) {
+        return $deleteIds->contains($statusIdOf($job));
+    });
+
+    // The kept (min id) status is never dispatched for deletion.
+    Bus::assertNotDispatched(StatusDelete::class, function ($job) use ($keepId, $statusIdOf) {
+        return $statusIdOf($job) === $keepId;
+    });
+
+    // Exactly two deletions (the two duplicates).
+    Bus::assertDispatchedTimes(StatusDelete::class, 2);
+});